When I reached an intermediate level of German, I thought making friends would be easier. Unfortunately, that wasn’t always the case. In this article, I’ll share my anecdotes of successes and failures in trying to make friends in Germany.
IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S FREMDBURG
I was really excited when I arrived in “Fremdburg.” I remember it was a sunny day when I enthusiastically went out for a walk. Like any newcomer to the old world, I was amazed by the European-style architecture, the sound of German, and the people speaking it.
Everything was going well until, unexpectedly, a boy—about 10 or 12 years old—gave me the middle finger. I took the situation with humor and moved on. Days later, while on public transport, I accidentally bumped into a man and apologized in English. However, he started yelling at me for the rest of the ride while others simply watched in silence. I didn’t understand what he was saying, but it was clearly not praise.
After these discouraging experiences, I inevitably lost the desire to go out. That was until a trip to Berlin changed my perspective. Unexpectedly, but this time pleasantly, many people were kind to me.
If you’re wondering, the city of “Fremdburg” doesn’t exist, but you can find similar places in many cities, even in my admired Berlin. That’s why I decided to ignore those bad experiences and move forward. In the end, someone flipping me off or yelling at me could only affect me if I gave it too much importance.
LATIN VIBES
Like many newcomers to Germany, I made the mistake of distancing myself from content in my native language, Spanish. I insisted on doing everything in German, even though I hadn’t mastered it completely. Inevitably, at some point, I felt isolated and anxious.
Driven by nostalgia and, above all, stress, I started looking for Latin parties to reconnect with what I had left behind. Not only did I find other Latinos, but I also met friendly Germans who loved dancing, with whom I connected almost immediately while also improving my German.
I’m not a specialist in social or cultural issues, but I have frequently attended Latin parties, especially salsa and bachata events, where I’ve made new friends. What has surprised me the most is that, besides Latinos and Germans, I’ve met people from many other nationalities, all united by the energy and Latin vibe.
CULINARY FRIENDSHIP
In my utopian and perfect world, everyone would be empathetic and friendly, but unfortunately, reality is not always like that. I experienced this in one of the shared apartments where I lived. It’s not that they treated me badly, but I could sense a certain distance and lackluster greetings.
Sometimes, some roommates would leave a box of chocolates or fruit with a friendly message as a gesture of camaraderie. However, when I did the same, almost no one took anything, so I ended up with more chocolate just for myself.
Everything changed on New Year’s Eve when we attended a party where everyone had to bring something to share. I decided to prepare oven-roasted chicken with potato side dishes, though I was certain almost no one would try it and that at least I’d have food for the next two days.
To my surprise, not only did they finish the chicken, but that night, most people began breaking down the distance that had lasted almost a year. So yes, at least from my experience, you can make friends with delicious food too.
THE ALCOHOLIC HULK
Just like in the comics, in a shared apartment, I encountered a “Hulk.” I called him that not because of his height or temperament, but because of his drastic personality change after drinking a few beers. When he was sober, he was the kind of person who complained about everything and openly supported the anti-immigration movement. Neither my food nor my empathy managed to break that invisible barrier, which manifested in his indirect comments and unfriendly looks.
One day, at a party, I suddenly felt someone hugging me and starting to dance next to me. It was Hulk, but now “transformed.” Suddenly, he became friendly, started joking, and even asked me to teach him some dance moves. We toasted a few times, and for a moment, he was a completely different person.
However, the next day, when the alcohol wore off, Hulk turned back into Bruce Banner. His friendly and open attitude completely disappeared. Hulk and I crossed paths several times after that, and on one occasion, he opened up a little and told me about his problems. But we never achieved the same connection when he was sober.
NOW IT REALLY IS YOU
After a long time, I had settled into a routine in Germany, and at some point, much to my regret, I had become extremely practical, even in my social relationships. I had fallen into the mistaken belief that I didn’t need to meet new people, and just like the German expression “zack zack,” I wanted to do everything quickly and efficiently.
Coincidentally, at that time, I participated in a Buddy program for students, where those with more experience helped newcomers with information and recommendations to start university on the right foot.
It was in this context that I met a Croatian exchange student whom I helped as much as I could. However, he often invited me for coffee or just to chat, and I, in my eagerness to prioritize efficiency, declined his invitations again and again. Until one day, he told me with conviction: “You and I are going to be friends someday.”
Unfortunately, that never happened. Some time later, after a period of reflection, I realized I had been an idiot because, at one point, I had also been looking for new friends. Eventually, I continued participating in the Buddy program, but this time I allowed myself to form friendships. Maybe back then, I was too absorbed in my own problems, to the point of having created a cycle of bad vibes. Luckily, I realized my mistake in time.
CONCLUSION
The truth is that, as a foreigner in Germany, making friends isn’t always easy. This likely depends a lot on age and, above all, the level of cultural integration. However, personally, I would advise not taking everything too personally. Today, a German might give you an unfriendly look, but over time, it’s possible to build friendships. Maybe not with everyone, but there will always be a roasted chicken or a shared hobby that helps break the ice—a barrier that, in many cases, we, as foreigners, also bring from home.
