There is a very catchy German song that describes flirting in Germany as something very subtle and slow. In this article, I will explore how true this perception is based on the experiences of my friends and my own.
I know you’re curious about the song I’m referring to, and to satisfy that curiosity, below you will find the music video with English subtitles.
Are You Going to Rob Me?
The first time I went to a party in Germany, while dancing with my friends, I noticed a girl staring at me intensely—maybe too seriously or disturbingly. I decided to simply ignore the situation and continue enjoying the party.
When I turned around, the same girl was still watching me, this time with an almost expressionless face. At that moment, I remembered what I would have done in Peru in a similar situation: secure my valuables and hide a bill in my socks just in case I got robbed.
Years later, I understood that this intense gaze, which I call the “shark stare,” is a classic flirting signal in Germany. To my surprise, I discovered that almost all foreigners go through the same confusion at first. According to a German friend, instead of feeling scared in such cases, what you should do is ask for their contact information before leaving the party—and the rest will just flow naturally.
My Friend Arnold
Arnold is a German guy I considered to be the son every mother would want: very proper, studious, and polite. However, because of those very qualities, he was also every girl’s eternal friend.
One day, I saw him doing the “shark stare” at a girl in our class, so I suggested he change his strategy. I advised him to approach the girl directly, give her a compliment, and ask for her number. “The worst that can happen is she says no,” I told Arnold naively.
The next thing I saw was the girl screaming and Arnold lowering his gaze. According to Arnold, he had only told her that he thought she was very pretty, but she got angry and told him that was superficial and that no one would ever be interested in him.
I felt just as bad as if it had happened to me and tried to cheer up my friend. This made me understand why many guys, especially, are so cautious when flirting—negative responses can be very harsh.
Too Subtle
When I lived in a student house, I thought it was easy to detect who was interested in whom. However, over time, two couples formed that I never would have imagined were interested in a relationship. Their conversations were quite conventional, and the boldest things I ever heard were compliments about nice clothes, well-kept nails, and even how well they cleaned and organized the common areas.
My perception changed when I overheard a conversation between two roommates. One of them was sharing her love story, where after many subtle compliments, the guy subtly invited her for a walk in the park. After subtly repeating these walks several times, they finally held hands—I assume, also subtly.
In my opinion, being subtle in such a situation can be complicated, but in the end, I was happy for them. When I consulted some German friends, I found that being subtle can also be difficult for many of them to interpret. So, the next time someone compliments your outfit, there might be a hidden interest—or maybe not.
Party and Alcohol
I had a German roommate who would introduce me to a new girlfriend every three or four months. I always considered him a “German lover” and was even curious to discover his modus operandi. Was it his athletic looks? The depth of his conversations about economics and engines? Or perhaps his tendency to complain about everything?
Everything was a mystery until I realized that he had met almost all his girlfriends at some Techno or Electro party. It might not have been a big secret, but I had imagined something different.
When I checked this with some German friends, some said the best flirting combination is alcohol and good humor. However, many ruin it by trying to force physical contact too soon.
Their Opinions
I must confess that while writing this article, I felt like I was making more of a critique than expressing an opinion. This didn’t fully satisfy me, so I decided to consult most of my German friends, although for many, my questions seemed a bit absurd.
How do people flirt in Germany?
Most agreed that it’s done subtly. For guys, the most common ways are giving indirect compliments, showing extra attention, making eye contact, and being somewhat funny. On the other hand, for girls, it involves smiling, making eye contact, and initiating the first touch with a “friendly” gesture.
What are the most common flirting mistakes?
Most people had a lot to say on this question, but in summary, for guys, the issue is being too direct when drunk or too shy and closed off when sober. As for girls, there were no complaints—except perhaps that they sometimes take too long to give a clear signal to guys.
Conclusion
Flirting in Germany is probably one of the hardest topics to tackle, yet it is just as fascinating. In my opinion, there is no such thing as perfect flirting, as its evaluation heavily depends on culture and society. However, from my perspective, one aspect of flirting that not many of my interviewees mentioned is the ability to dance.
